I'm back. Sorry. Busy producing television, writing a children's book, creating a comedy show, etc. Check out my hilarious videos on Youtube.

And read my new story below...

Look closely at my current picture. If you can tear your eyes away from my stunning good looks, check out my t-shirt. It's hard to read, but on the shirt it says "The Mega Powers". There's a story behind that. (Of Course)

When I was a kid, I used to watch WWF wrestling with my Nanna (my grandma). I was a fan when Hulk Hogan teamed up with Macho Man Randy Savage. Together with sexy manager Miss Elizabeth, they formed "The Mega Powers" and won the Tag team championship belts. Turns out, this was only the second most successful Mega Powers team.

Fast forward 18 years to 2005. I am running a recreation program for elementary school kids. Every friday we played "Elimination", which is actually "dodgeball", but you're not allowed to call it dodgeball. Playing Elimination is fun, because it's the one time of the week you can hit the kids with dodge balls, which is a great way to relieve stress, as long as you don't hit anyone in the head.

Myself and the other counselors (Steve & Stefanie) would form a team, and we'd put ALL the kids on the other team. Outnumbered 40 to 3, it was a pretty even contest. I can't tell you how much fun it was! After a while, one of our favorite parents (Doug) caught on and started coming early from work so he could join in on the fun. He became the 4th member of the "Mega Powers". As a team we joked, dodged, taunted, flexed, and dodged some more. The kids loved the challenge, but they usually got rocked.

Eventually, all good things come to an end. Now its 2007 and the Mega Powers were splitting up. I got a job in Television, Stefanie moved to Maryland, and Steve got a job closer to home. But on one of the last days on the job, we reunited for one last smackdown. I bought t-shirts to commemorate the team. The kids couldn't wait to take us on, but we beat them 4 times in a row. We were dropping them like zombies in a video game. Eventually, they started to win a few games, but we had one last surprise for them. 2 extra "mega powers" t-shirts! We chose 2 kids who played the best and they joined our team. With the defection of their 2 best players, the kids were destroyed by the combined might of the Mega Powers!!!

There is nothing more satisfying then throwing a dodgeball 40 miles per hour at a 9 year old while he's running away from you. And accidentally hitting the unsuspecting kid next to him.

Super Cool

I stubbed my big toe. It didn't hurt, but then the other nine toes all laughed at the big toe and made fun of it. So I stubbed all of them too. Now they know how it feels. Bad. Especially when you hit the edge of a coffee table.

When people go to the movies and watch a preview, I am watching them while they watch the preview. I am previewing them. Then when the preview is over, they decide whether or not to go see that movie. I decide whether or not they are dummy dumbs. Sometimes they say "that movie sucks." Sometimes I say "the people in front of me who just said that don't know how to fold socks." And it's probably true. How do you fold socks?

If your name is Eugene Constantine Latrine, than we have nothing more to talk about.

I have been hard at work producing a children's television show! Here is a 30 second promo that will start airing later this week. I hope you find this interesting:

KidAwesome.

Let me know what you think!

Eric

Allowance money scandal!


When I was a kid, I got an allowance from my dad. Basically, If I did chores all week (take out the trash, feed the pets, dust the living room) I would get $2.50 for all my hard work. After two weeks of work, I would have five dollars, enough to buy a brand new G.I. Joe action figure, or a couple of X-men comic books.

But I learned something about my dad that helped me buy even MORE action figures and comic books...

My dad is a super important and very busy man. Every day he has a zillion things he needs to do. So obviously, remembering to pay me my allowance is not very high on his list of things to do. And I did nothing to help him remember.

Wait a minute, you're probably wondering why I wouldn't want to remind my dad to pay me. Don't I want all my hard earned money? Well, yes, but check this out:

Lets say I go 2 weeks without getting paid my allowance by my dad. That means he owes me five dollars. He's busy, he forgot all about it. Now, after 2 weeks I go up to him and collect. (pay attention) Except I tell him that I haven't been paid in THREE weeks! My dad is super busy, and he realizes he hasn't paid me in awhile, but there's no way for him to remember he owes me two weeks, not three. So, he digs into his wallet and pays me $7.50 instead of the $5.00 he owes me.

Hooray, now I have enough money to buy an action figure AND some X-men comic books at the same time! I am smart! I am crafty! I am... naughty for being dishonest with my Dad. Maybe he'll read this and make me pay him back for the extra money I tricked him into giving me.

Now if only I could pull this same trick at my job. Then I could buy more gas for my car's stomach and more chocolate milk for my stomach!

THE JOURNEY TO BOSTON (wow, my title has the names of two classic rock bands in it!)


Would you like to hear about my triumphant return to the city of boston? Okay. I took a VERY bumpy plane ride to my former city last friday. Bought some subway tokens and cruised the city. Saw a terrible movie (Date Movie) and read some books for free at the galleria. Possibly ate a cookie too.

I was feeling smart, so I went to Harvard and pretended to be a college student and hung out on campus, watching the Olympics on a giant projection screen.

It was time to return to PBS to rock with all the former members of my inner circle of coolness. I walked in to WGBH, and security wouldn't let me in. They said something about my sudden awesome return causing a frenzy of people to storm the building, trying to get my autograph. Anyways, I dropped a few names, and got in. I hugged my former TV family members, updating them on my travels and laughing a lot.

TV producer: "Eric, it's good to see you"!
Me: "Yes, it IS good to see me"!

It felt great to be back in a place that held such warm memories. I was once again buzzing in the beehive of greatness.

Later, myself and my other friend Eric (technically, I'm Eric #2) went and rented the worst/best movies we could find. Movies that are so bad they're awesome! We watched a documentary called "Project Grizzly". Canadian moron builds a robot armor suit so Grizzlies won't kill him. Tests out strength of suit by having friends hit him with crushing logs, baseball bats, fire, speeding trucks, and bullets. I am NOT making this up!

Woke up on saturday and watched Olympic curling. I love curling. I wish I could curl. Fascinating. Sadly, no one else shares this love. Now was the time for Eric's 1 and 2 to go do what we do best. Go outside in freezing cold weather and kick field goals on a field covered in goose poop. I missed a bunch, but ended by nailing a perfect 35 yarder! Kicking field goals is fun. Singing Hulk Hogan's entrance music while kicking them is a good way to get pumped.

Later, we were joined by Shannon and Arelitsa for some good old fashioned hanging out. Many stories were told by all, including scary camping ones and skill crane bragging.

On sunday, I once again woke up to the sweet vision of curling. This may have shortened my stay at Eric's. Not really. We watched another bad movie called "Counterforce", staring Isaac Hayes and some other army guys with machine guns. super hilarious. I wish my old boy scout troop had been more like Counterforce. Less merit badges and more shooting bad guys wearing capes.

Then, I met up with the lovely and super cool Katie. We tried to play Lasertron, but there were too many little kids running around. So we did the next best thing. Got milkshakes, talked about zombies and their flexibility, and played at the arcade. I was bested twice at air hockey, but won some tickets playing skeeball. Way cool.

Finally, it was time to go to the airport and wait as my flight was delayed for two hours. I didn't mind, I enjoy being in Boston.

Why Candy Canes?


Who invented the Candy Cane? And why did they choose to make it in the shape of a cane? It makes eating it so difficult. All other candy comes in a small, bite size, easy to fit in your mouth style. The lone exceptions are suckers and candy canes. Suckers at least provide a stick to hang on to, and it doesn't look too silly having a sucker sticking out of your mouth. But a candy cane? Ridiculous. Just an awkward shape with no good place to grip it, unless you leave it partially in the wrapper (lame).

What part of the candy cane do you eat first? Do you break off the curvy part, and wedge it in your face like a minty mouth guard? Or do you break off the long stick part and let it slowly decompose in your mouth? Candy Canes don't even allow for conversation. With other candy, you can move it around in your mouth and still talk. Try talking with a cane in your mouth. You'll only be able to gurgle a little.

Why was the candy named after an elderly assistance device? A cane? Marketing blunder right there. If we're gonna name candy after something an old person uses, why not just shape the candy into a circle and name it the Candy Bed-pan. We could've named it after something cool, like the Candy Hook, Candy Half-Noose, or Candy Antenna.

They are tasty though...

I love you candy cane.

Bad Cookies


Christmas time was awesome! My entire family came together to hang out and be good to one another. Well...maybe not the "good" part.

Jared and I decided to play a little prank on our brother Chad. In the kitchen were a bunch of Christmas cookies, just waiting to be frosted with tasty icing. But I decided to frost a couple cookies with French onion dip, the kind you eat potato chips with. Then I added some sprinkles, put them on a plate, and brought them into the living room for my unsuspecting brother to eat.

I hid on the stairs and tried not to laugh as I waited for Chad to get hungry. Finally, Chad picked up one of the onion dip cookies and put the entire thing in his mouth. It was Awesome! All of a sudden, Chad realized his cookie tasted totally wrong. He sprang up from the couch, ran to the bathroom, and spit chunks of cookie all over the sink.

Why did I do this? It's just my way of letting my brother know I love him. Next time, he'll probably let ME know by super glue-ing my pillow to my face while I'm sleeping.